Construction Details 101

I could very easily twist the truth about this picture and no doubt, make a far more entertaining story out of it, but that’s not my style (at least I try not to be that way). First, let’s play “What’s wrong with this picture?”, Then we’ll get the facts in the right order.

Yes, the door was there first.

Yes, the stairs existed in another configuration wherein the door worked.

BUT… This is just too fun to look at every day. It’s something that I walk past every single day on my way to my parking garage and I’ve been pondering it for some time. The door actually opens to a shed that the restaurant it’s attached to uses to store fire wood in.

Or at least, used to.

Things like this just call out to me to have some fun with them. It’s like a joke that’s all set up and no one will say the punch line. That sort of thing drives me bananas.

“Oh come ON people! Will no one pick up this beautiful opportunity and do something with it? Any one? Helloooooooo?”

The door has been blocked now for about 6 months. I don’t think I can stand it much longer. Since I am firmly opposed to vandalism, it needs to be something reversible. Something subtle and humorous.

What I need are a few small tacks, a moment when no one is watching and…

The right sign to attach to the door. I bought it today. I’ll let you know when it’s up.

Hey, Nonny Nonny! Is that a spray can?

New entertaining graffiti found in my area. This time, the rogue the police might want to look for is most likely wearing a doublet, hose and full ruffle.

I’m fully aware that it’s speculative at best that some fugitive from “Shakespeare in the Park” with a marker decided to make a joke or even (God help him) mark his turf, but it’s still fun to imagine.

“I grant thee constable, the facts at hand cast a vile light upon mine supposed innocence. Privy your sharp and most noble mind to consider the notion that I merely hold this Sharpie for mine cousin who was just at this inauspicious local but a few moments hence. My hand would never consider the defamation of this pice of city property. I hath been frame-ed!”

“Shut the hell up kid and get in the back.”

The need for creative vandalism

I’ve always stood firmly against vandalism. I think it’s awful to deface or smash something belonging to someone else. Simply because something has no value to you, that gives you the right to damage it in any way.

I was very happy to hear recently that they finally caught a local asshat “tagger” who was painting his little logo all over town. He got nailed after he cleverly posted pictures of himself spray painting several buildings on his Myspace page. Social Darwinism at work. Ahhh. Makes me all warm inside.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen some fantastic spray can art in my travels. The back wall of a local dance club and another neat little restaurant comes to mind. Please keep in mind however, the owners had ASKED for graffiti artistes to please paint the wall and make it look interesting. But, and it’s a big BUT… no matter how swoopy or cool lookin’ you make your tag, if you are doing it with out permission all it really is, is another way of peeing on something.

I doesn’t matter what the reason is. It’s never right, Always stupid and essentially makes you a dog with a paint can.

But…CREATIVE vandalism is something I take perverse pleasure in. Somehow it slips into a different category here. It’s rare when you find it and it makes you feel lucky; almost like finding a $5 bill blowing down the sidewalk. You don’t see it often and you’ve probably walked by your share, never noticing the unusual that blends in with the world around us. It makes it far better that way. Unnoticed, but to a few.

You see, creative vandalism involves thought and planning. I can appreciate that. The first time I can remember seeing creativity and naughtiness going hand-in-hand was when I was a kid. There was a guy who lived down the road named Harry Hammerhand. I can only imagine the hell this poor guy went through in junior high.

Anyway, Harry bought a bunch of those stick-on letters at the hardware store and spelled it out on his mailbox. One day, as I walked by, I noticed that someone had ripped off a bunch of the letters. All that was left was “HA HA HA.”

I’ve been looking for more ever since.

The other day, I found some more.

The best part is that nothing was broken, defaced, ruined, etc. I love it and think we need more.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go comb the sidewalks for $5 bills.

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